Back to the past when it was still the present

I have been working (finally!) on cleaning and and clearing out this week.  I decided if I did not just start somewhere, it would still be like this at the end of summer.  We have a lot of things to address before we can get on to the task of remodeling the kitchen and adapting the front and side porches.  But you know how it is when you start going through things, right?  We have been working on the “computer room” which is also where we store things in the closet, have the file cabinet, and in general, is the catch all room.  Yesterday, I was able to remove all the items that are mine except those in the filing cabinet and in the closet.  We have to move out the now almost empty bookshelf and the exercise bike before I can get to either of those.  I picked up a large cardboard tote and found it full of pictures….and you know the rest.


Long before R and I met, I had accepted I would not be a mother, and had come to terms with it.  When it was clear R and I were getting serious, I had “the talk” where I explained I could not have children and he needed to know that before we went any further.  He said he did not want children so it was fine with him.  And then…life changing news six weeks after we married.  It was honestly a tough transition.  Not that I was not happy about it, but that it upended my life in ways I had not expected, and certainly was not what R was expecting.  I decided it was probably a good thing that it takes 9 months for a baby to develop before entering the world for both the mother and the father. That was 38 years ago last week.


Isn’t it amazing how a photograph can bring back a flood of memories in a fleeting moment?  And how most of us can rise to the challenges even when it was not planned?  It changed us both in ways we could not have predicted, and challenged us in ways you cannot always prepare for, but then, life is very often that way.  I think we who survive this pandemic will be saying something similar.  I cannot predict that I will, but I do the best that I can with what I know–just like we did with parenting a baby we never expected to have.  Opportunities for growth, change, and learning, often disguised as a problem or a challenge.


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12 Responses to Back to the past when it was still the present

  1. Your life really changed! What a story!


  2. Betty says:

    Absolutely – regarding your last sentence! Good luck with your cleaning and clearing out!


  3. peggyjoan42 says:

    It took me 12 years to have my daughter. I did not think that I would be a mother. But – like you, our lives changed. My daughter is 45 years old now and the joy of our lives. Hope all the renovations go well for you.


  4. Beth says:

    Sweet story – it brought back memories for me, too. Children aren’t always planned, but when they arrive we love them and nurture them. We rise to the challenge of raising them and, indeed, see the opportunities. Thank you for sharing!


    • Suzassippi says:

      Thank you, Beth, for your acknowledgment. As many mistakes as I made, I know I did a far better job starting to parent at 32 than I would have at 20 something. 🙂


  5. janebye says:

    Oh, I love these pics. Look at that youngster/slash/motorcycle mama with so much of her life ahead of her! And baby J! Love him!

    Trying to be positive that we can survive and adapt to our latest challenges. Social workers are pretty good at that, right?


  6. socialbridge says:

    A lovely post, Suz. It was unexpected in how it unfolded both in the telling now and reality then.
    Good luck with the clear out. I’ve given up on it!


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